MADISON, WI – While pundits debate the political ramifications of Governor Scott Walker’s recall election victory earlier this week, an allegation has surfaced regarding the Koch brothers’ actions during the campaign which could shed light on the billionaires’ real intentions.
According to sources within the Walker campaign, Randolph and Mortimer Koch made a private bet to see how easy it would be to brainwash one half of the working class to vote against the other. The amount of the bet: $1.
“The brothers used the Wisconsin recall election to test whether or not they could pit the poor 99% against each other to benefit the wealthy 1%”, an insider was quoted as saying. “And it worked like a charm”, they continued.
The inside source went on to reveal that Randolph, always the skeptical one, wasn’t convinced they could dupe the poor into voting against their own interests, whereas Mortimer, described as being the more philosophical of the two, as well as the risk-taker, thought it was totally doable.
Though in reality it cost millions of those one dollars to run round-the-clock advertising to convince poor people that their enemies were the not-quite-as-poor people who were fortunate enough to have a pension, the investment eventually paid off, and the rest, as they say, is history.
“Petty jealousy is a strong motivator”, said another insider. “If you can convince one half of the working class to envy the other, and you combine it with the myth that the reason for their poverty is that they’re helping to pay for the others’ so-called ‘free-ride’, not that they’re being ‘taken for a ride’ by the rich, then you’ve got the magic divide-and-conquer formula.”
Sources went on to confirm that, although Randolph had to fork over the dollar to his older brother, both had a good laugh, as ultimately they both win in the end anyway. And really, what's one fucking dollar to a couple of billionaires.
“They just like to have a little fun with these machiavellian wagers. Manipulating the ignorant masses is like a sport to these guys”, said another insider.
The brothers, owners of Koch Industries, a multinational conglomerate headquartered in Wichita, Kansas, have been very active politically via their Koch Family Foundations and, most notably, through their Billionaires for Prosperity (BFP), a special interest group which helped fund both of Walker’s campaigns.
However, when asked about the one dollar bet, the director for BFP’s Wisconsin chapter denied that it had anything to do with their efforts to brainwash people into believing America is still the land of make-believe. "That was a personal bet between the two of them, and had absolutely nothing to do with our propaganda", he stated.
Regardless, the fact is Governor Walker was able to outspend his opponent Tom Barrett almost 8 to 1. And, thanks in large part to his puppet masters’ efforts, he successfully defeated a popular recall campaign by basically promising to continue transforming Wisconsin from a labor union-loving state into a bunch of wage slaves.
Talk about trading places.
A spokesman for the governor’s office issued a statement denying any “official” knowledge of the bet, but did want to issue a heartfelt thanks, off-the-record, to all their supporters for being total fucking cheeseheads.