Sandusky to Play Santa
Wednesday, November 23, 2011 at 2:10PM 
A really, really bad Santa is coming to town.STATE COLLEGE, PA – Out on bail pending his trial, Jerry Sandusky, the disgraced former Penn State coach accused of sexually molesting boys as young as 10 years old, has volunteered to play Santa during this year’s Polar Express Event in Downtown State College, as well as at the Logan Valley Mall in nearby Altoona, PA.
“Playing Santa is something I enjoy doing every year, and this year is no different”, said Sandusky hoping to reprise his role as jolly old Saint Nick. “I just love being around the kids, giving them presents, and seeing the look on their faces when they sit on my lap and tell me if they’ve been naughty or nice”, he continued.
Indeed, Mr. Sandusky has enjoyed donning the costume every year for his children’s charity, The Second Mile, and said he hopes that the scandal will not dampen the community’s holiday spirit or their enthusiasm for his portrayal of the trusted father figure.
“It’s important to Jerry for everyone to continue living in a world of make-believe and not let these false allegations ruin Christmas”, said his attorney Joe Amendola. “More importantly, he doesn’t want the accusations to discourage parents from participating in the yearly tradition of allowing their kids to plop down on a stranger’s upper thighs and whisper their secret wishes to him”, he continued.
Mr. Sandusky, who was recently indicted by a grand jury on 40 counts of sex crimes against children, faces multiple life-sentences if convicted. Despite that however, he’s currently free on a $100,000 bond, and there are no legal restrictions on his travel, nor apparently, on his predilection to touch children’s lives.
Upon hearing the news, outraged parents voiced their condemnations of letting a suspected pedophile play the pot-bellied old white man who, according to folklore, sneaks into their homes during the middle of the night every Christmas Eve, bearing gifts and candy for good little boys and girls.
“The idea of a child molester playing the stranger we let into our homes in the wee hours of the morning every year, and who we as responsible adults go to great lengths to cover-up and lie to them about so we can perpetuate a myth, just sickens me”, opined Carol Scarsmith of Altoona, PA.
Authorities tried to assuage the parents’ fears by stating that Mr. Sandusky would be carefully monitored by undercover elves the entire time to make sure he doesn’t do anything inappropriate. They also reminded parents that he’s to be considered an innocent, dirty old man who just happens to love children, until finally proven guilty of the most heinous crimes imaginable against the truly innocent in a court of law.
It’s important to point out that a year without a Santa Claus could potentially be much worse (economically speaking) than having a suspected sexual predator talk about the North Pole with minors, say community leaders.
"So, you better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout, I'm telling you why..."
Photos ops with Santa Claws are available through Dec. 24th.
Reader Comments (1)
What can he say? He's just a lover not a fighter.