UNITED PLANETS – King Kanamit IX, leader of the alien race of Kanamits, pardoned Ralph and Phyllis Nussbaum today in front of the Planamitarium to observe the annual tradition of sparing two humans a day before their “Feast of Man” celebrations.
Mr. and Mrs. Nussbaum, who hail from Cincinnati, OH, were randomly chosen from a list of over 7 billion contestants for the coveted spot of not having to be eaten.
“I feel like we’ve just won the lottery”, an excited Phyllis said after their names were announced. Her husband Ralph seconded the sentiment and added, “I just want to thank King Kanamit for his kind generosity in saving our necks from the dinner table.”
Mr. and Mrs. Nussbaum will now retire to a “life of leisure” at the bucolic humanimal habitat on Mount Manamit, home of the first Kanamit King, to spend their remaining days as pets for their overlords.
The yearly ritual of sparing two humans from becoming the main course for the 9ft. tall aliens dates back to 1962, when the Kanamits first arrived on Earth to harvest human beings for their popular cookbook, To Serve Man. Several million humans have been slaughtered each year to fulfill their culinary needs since.
Well-wishers congratulated Ralph and Phyllis for being this year's two lucky turkeys... er, we mean people... to be, “let off the hook”, so to speak.
King Kanamit was joined by his two Kidamits for the ceremony.