MILF Bachmann Wins Iowa Stripper Poll

WHO'D YOU RATHER?AMES, IA – Though much of the attention this past weekend centered on Michele Bachmann winning the Iowa straw poll, she reportedly also won in the lesser known Iowa stripper poll (a new barometer for female Republican hotness), by beating out Sarah Palin by a wide margin.

Results from the stripper poll show that among mid-western Republican males, Bachmann is their newest MILF, with 69% of the vote versus Palin’s 30%.  Perry, Romney, and Huntsman received a combined 0.9%, which analysts attribute to closeted gay conservatives, with the remaining few ballots divided among Ron Paul and Rick Santorum, as sympathy and joke votes respectively.  Apparently, no one gay or straight is interested in fucking Herman Cain, Newt Gingrich, or Tim Pawlenty.

Upon hearing the news, Bachmann said she was gratified that more Republican men now wanted to have sex with her than Sarah Palin.  After all, it was only a short time ago that Palin dominated the right-wing’s masturbatory fantasies.  “We definitely plan to capitalize on Michele’s newfound sex appeal”, said her campaign manager Ed Rollins.  “We have several campaign slogans we’re considering: Cum and Vote for Michele, Get an Erection this Election, and some others, but we’re still deciding”, he continued.

Meanwhile, Palin’s camp said that Sarah is still debating whether or not she'll enter the race.  However several of her close allies say that knowing more men want to fuck Michele, may just be the tipping point that gets her back in the running.  As one of her political team members confided, “Don’t tell her I said this, but Sarah can’t stand the fact that more men are now imagining Michele giving them a blow job than her.  Let’s face it, you have a much better chance of getting laid with Sarah, as everyone knows Michele will complain of a headache.”

So, it looks like mama bear’s getting jealous.  But who can blame her.  Seems like just yesterday men all over the country were shouting they’d rather be “Nailin’ Palin”.  Though it’s still early in the campaign, it does appear that a battle for Top Teabagger is on between the two most famous female Republicans.

The question is whether or not party members have enough balls for both.