Jesus a No Show at Apocapalooza

Fans of Apocapalooza were disappointed by the news that Jesus would not be headlining this year's event as promised.

According to His spokesentity, the Holy Ghost, He was attacked and crucified again while on tour in the 'Goldilocks Zone' of the Milky Way.  "He's fine, but it takes three days for ressurection, so He'll unfortunately have to miss this year's event", the Holy Ghost said in a statement.

Though jubilant to hear that other planetary souls will now be saved, the last minute cancellation left organizers here on Earth without their main attraction.  Unable to secure a suitable replacement, organizers made the tough decision to cancel the event altogether.  "We had a lot of good opening acts lined up, but without Christ, we really didn't feel the event was worth putting on", organizer Harold Camping said.  "After all, this was supposed to be His big comeback, and without Him well... what's the point", he continued.  Organizers did promise however, that Jesus would attend next year's Apocapalooza on December 21st.

Ticket holders can get a full refund of the purchase price, minus a transaction fee or, if they wish, hold on to them for discounted admission into next year's event.