DENVER, CO - Good news for all the Casey Anthony watchers out there, Duane “Dog” Chapman has just announced that he and his family are going to hunt down and capture Ms. Anthony for their upcoming eighth season of Dog the Bounty Hunter.
Since her release on July 17th, the media has been in a frenzy of speculation as to the whereabouts of America’s most wanted acquitted fugitive. Eyewitnesses claim to have spotted her from Orlando, Florida to Los Angeles, California, and everywhere in between. Locals at a roadside diner in Rachel, Nevada claimed she came in yesterday and ordered a cheeseburger with fries, before heading out to Area 51. Some have even speculated that she’s left the country, or planet, altogether.
“Where the fuck is she?!”, an irate and hysterical caller asked on the show Issues with Jane Velez- Mitchell. It's a question many frantic viewers desperately wanted answers to. Not even her parents know of her whereabouts and, according to Anthony attorney Cheney Mason, her legal team is going to keep it that way.
“We devised numerous plans to help her avoid the media glare once she was released from jail. And we’ve made sure that she is safe and protected. I can assure you, nobody’s going to be able to find her”, he said in a statement.
“That sounds like a challenge to me, brah”, the 'Dog' star of the hit reality series was quoted as saying. Shooting to notoriety after capturing serial rapist Andrew Luster (heir to the Max Factor cosmetics fortune) in Mexico, the popular show chronicles the lives of Mr. Chapman and his family as they hunt down and capture fugitives from justice.
Ms. Anthony is certainly the highest profile fugitive they’ve ever gone after, and her capture will no doubt give the show its highest ratings. In fact, advertisers are already clamoring for a spot, some purportedly paying in upwards of $1 million for a 30 second commercial. Those are almost Super Bowl level ad rates, and producers say they expect a similar number of viewers.
As for the certainty that she’ll be caught, the Dog was unequivocal in his answer. “She can change her name, wear a costume, dye her hair or get plastic surgery, it don't matter, brah. We’re gonna find her, I can promise you that. She can run, but she can't hide”, he said.
However, anxious viewers will have to wait a few more months, as the new season doesn’t air until October on A&E. Be sure to check your local listings or cable and satellite provider.